WASHINGTON, D.C.—Initial reaction among American Marxists to the White House’s presidential commission on the Supreme Court Thursday was not positive. Democratic operatives and pundits excoriated the commission for its reluctance to endorse court-packing.
“This is the worst thing I’ve seen since Mein Kampf,” a Slate writer tweeted. “It assumes that we leftists will continue to get our way with so many Republican nominees on the court. But we can’t take that risk.”
He continued, “Yes, most of the Republican picks are spineless quislings who give the American Marxists everything they want, pretty much, but without that full confidence of knowing a Democratic nominee will reliably rewrite the constitution and make up laws to fit a Marxist agenda, it causes a lot of us stress.”
Democratic politicians were just as irate over the non-endorsement for court packing.
“I mean, like, 9 is such a racist number. Who gets to decide that anyway?” a tearful Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez told reporters while sporting a brand new ‘Tax-the-Rich,-but-Not-Me’ pants suit. “The stakes are too high. Do we really want to live in a country that says, ‘No, you’re not gonna kill your baby?’ Do we really want to live in a country that says, ‘You must have a border?’ Do we really want to live in a country that says, ‘Pay for your own education?’ I mean, ugh, how sick is that? I could, like, go on and on. We need enough justices to ensure theses demented policies never become a reality.”
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D–NY) tried to deliver a speech on the floor of the Senate, but was too overcome with emotion to get out any words.
A spokesperson for the Biden commission said Democratic objections are “overblown.”
“The reality is, Republicans have done a wonderful job selecting some of the most far-left, outrageous justices that never even crossed our minds,” the spokesperson said. “That’s really why we didn’t want to recommend court-packing at this point. Who needs that when Republican presidents virtually pack the Supreme Court with people who give us everything we already want? Why stop a good thing now? Am I right?”
When asked for comment, President Biden responded, “remind me again what this commission was about?”